fbpx

Expectations

by | Jul 10, 2021

My Mindset

My body it is fighting fit and I’m as happy as can be

My minds a little scattered but that’s nothing new for me.

Each day I get up positive, make no plans, and let things be

Whatever wants to unfold today, I will have to wait and see

 

When I tell you I have cancer you gasp and say Oh No

You feel sorry for me having this, on your face it surely shows

To look at me you wouldn’t know if not for lack of hair

Assumptions made, you’re not to blame, and people stop and stare.

 

I live each day, as if it was the first and not the last

Taking in all the wonderment of the world, I don’t want a moment to pass

I appreciate and I am grateful for all that comes my way

Each lesson learned, each hurt that burned, brought me to where I am today

 

I mind is in the bestest place, I think it has ever been

I am peaceful and I am happy, to live life I am so keen

There is no need to fear this thing, it will be what it will be

Fear only stops us doing stuff, too scared to try and see

 

I will not let this cancer thing, take my life away from me

I am living every day I can being happy and being free

Free of all the heavy weight that can bury some alive

Freedom is the place to live, I won’t die whilst I’m alive.

I wrote that poem not long after I started my chemo back in March of 2018. We all seem to think of the bad cases when it comes to cancer. The treatments have come such a long way and my experience wasn’t all that bad. The stem cell transplant on the other hand, wasn’t a pleasure at all, but still not as bad as I had pictured it to be.

I think so many of us have a picture in our head, an expectation of how things are supposed to be or how they are meant to turn out, and this only leads us down the path of disappointment. 

Prior to being diagnosed with cancer, I had undertaken yoga training and was teaching and living the yogic life. I was free from all the heavy thoughts, I was accepting, non-judgmental of others and working hard on being non-judgmental of myself. My life was in a pretty good place. I had just finished working in a full-time admin role about 4 months before, was working for myself and doing quite well I might add. 

Patti while sick

Probably too well.

I was doing about 13 classes of yoga per week and massaging in the other times. I have a 2.5-acre landscaped yard which I was maintaining and a 4-bedroom house to clean. Plus, on top of that I had wifey duties and mum/grandma duties. I was as busy as fuck and loving it, although sometimes I felt like everyone wanted a piece of me and there was nothing left for me. I was pushing myself so hard to succeed and I was fooling myself into thinking I was living the yogi life. I was striving hard, I wasn’t listening to my body, I was being harsh on myself and burning the proverbial candle. They say that everything happens for a reason and I couldn’t understand why I had been given cancer at this time. 4 months into self-employed, building up a great business, life was great. Well, I know now that it was to slow me down and make me smell the roses.

Probably too well. I was doing about 13 classes of yoga per week and massaging in the other times. I have a 2.5-acre landscaped yard which I was maintaining and a 4-bedroom house to clean. Plus, on top of that I had wifey duties and mum/grandma duties. I was as busy as fuck and loving it, although sometimes I felt like everyone wanted a piece of me and there was nothing left for me. I was pushing myself so hard to succeed and I was fooling myself into thinking I was living the yogi life. I was striving hard, I wasn’t listening to my body, I was being harsh on myself and burning the proverbial candle. They say that everything happens for a reason and I couldn’t understand why I had been given cancer at this time. 4 months into self-employed, building up a great business, life was great. Well, I know now that it was to slow me down and make me smell the roses.

Patti today